The Question to Ask When You Don’t Want to Do What You Want to Do

September 3rd, 2010

Jeezus, I really don’t feel like writing right now!

It’s later than I like to write, so I’m worried that I won’t get to it – that just makes me not want to do it at all. It makes me want to sleep.

Mike is working next to me, but I generally prefer to write alone. I feel like I should desensitize myself to that – but I’d rather do it some other time.

None of the seed ideas I have are interesting to me right now and I haven’t really had any great thoughts today to work with.

I want to write, but just can’t find that unique energy that let’s me do it.

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The Big Question: “What WOULD I Do?”

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Ok, fine – I won’t write today.

But, now that I’ve taken the pressure off, what WOULD I do if I wanted to push through this?

What can I figure out now that will help me out next time I feel this way?

What will I realize would have actually been so easy to do once this moment has past?

If a friend came to me wanting an objective perspective on what to do when she’s in this position, what would I tell her?

If my body were a chess piece, what’s the next move I would have it make?

What if I release all the obligation and just think about the possible actions at my disposal?

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Every time I miss a day of writing, I think “Why didn’t I just type a word?” Who knows what that word would have become.

What I WOULD do if I were going to push through this is just open up my seed ideas and type the first word that comes to mind for each one, until an idea compels me to type a second.

Instead of trying to come up with something original, I would write where I was when I had that thought and what spurred it. My goal would be to conjure up the same feelings that got me thinking the idea would be worth writing about in the first place.

If I still can’t find a message worth writing about on the topic, I would just write about what I assume some other person’s message might be – that might at least stir my opinions up and get me responding.

If I did even just one of these, I WOULD be damn proud of myself for bravely exploring the barren wasteland of my uninspired mind.

~

Releasing the tension of actually having to do something now allows us to see possible next steps in their true color, stripped of their mental baggage – as merely options at our disposal.

Suddenly, you realize how easy it would be to take that next single step forward. Besides, I’ve already accepted not writing at all today, I may as well fail 10 words in, instead of 0. Right?

Next time you want to do something but just can’t muster the creative forces, stop trying so hard and instead think about what you WOULD do if you could choose your every action objectively.

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I Dropped Out of College and My Parents are Still Supporting Me: Are they crazy?!

August 28th, 2010

Dropping out of school was a tough decision.  It took a lot of discussions with a lot of people to materialize – more than any with my parents. Although they’ve been helping me pay the bills the past 2 years, I’m most thankful for all those conversations and all the ones since.

But let’s get back to that money thing. I dropped out of school and my parents are still helping support me financially?! What are they crazy?!

Well, yes, they are (one’s an artist and the other’s a psychiatrist, so you do the math), but the more I’ve thought about it, the more reasonable, even if uncommon, I’ve felt it is for them to help me through this time.

I’m sharing my rationale below to inspire more discussion and, most of all, to help other students and parents that are in the same position we were.

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Is College Really a Better Deal?

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When I was born, my parents intended to pay for some period of my life where I would transition from being someone solely reliant on them into someone that was able to support myself, financially and otherwise. For most, this period is college and it generally costs an enormous amount of money.

Although not every parent is in a position to pay for their childrens’ collegiate period, it is very socially acceptable – especially in comparison to supporting their kid after he drops out.

I don’t quite see the logic here, though.

My college was costing about $30,000 a year in tuition alone. On top of that, there were general living expenses at about $7000 a year and a host of other expenses for school projects (I’m big on elaborate projects), entertainment and so on. That money was going towards something that I was quite sure would not make me happy going forward.

On top of that, I had very little appreciation for this money and almost no concept of how much I was spending. Our society has come to treat college as just another thing all kids have to do, so that’s how I treated it, too. College is, for myself and many others, a bubble, totally separate from the real world.

Out of school,  my living costs are tens upon tens of thousands of dollars less, yet I am acutely aware of what I spend and the affects that spending has on my life. My parents and I now make decisions about money based on whether or not those choices are moving me in the direction I want to be going.

Finally, I am living in the real world.

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Making Money vs. Cultivating a Foundation

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But if I’m living in the real world, as I claim, shouldn’t I be busting my ass to make ends meet? Isn’t the real world harsh? And won’t I slack off if I don’t have the need to support myself financially?

If money were my only motivation, though, it really would have made more sense to stay in school; I can’t deny that getting a typical job is at least good for guaranteed money.

But, I dropped out for freedom to choose what I work on. The motivation was built in – there was so much I wanted to be doing that school was getting in the way of.

Never in my life have I been interested in slacking off and I get the impression that many who yearn to leave college have surprisingly similar motivations. We want to be doing real things.

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In fact, I’ve made pretty decent money in the past doing freelance web-design and programming. With that clear money-making path, maybe my parents should have cut me loose? I could support myself, after all.

Thankfully, they recognize that the most valuable thing for me to be doing is forging a real foundation built of work, experiences and relationships that are relevant to the direction that will satisfy me in life.

I could be paying the rent bagging groceries, and I have much respect for those that do, but I’m not sure that’s the best way for me to surge forward. While I have the opportunity, perhaps it makes much more sense to be taking risks developing web-apps that may or may not succeed or developing my writing ability, which is unlikely to support me anytime soon but will have a multiplier effect on my income a few years from now.

My parents recognize that doing great things takes time to build a strong foundation. For some, that foundation is built in a university, for me it’s built in front of a laptop and for others it’s built in a place I could never expect.

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What if My Parents Don’t Support Me?

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I am so damn grateful to have parents that have helped me through this time but, (don’t tell them) I would be doing this, and eventually find success, even if they hadn’t given me a cent. This is who I am to the core.

These are my circumstances;  we all have different ones – they don’t matter. The only thing that matters is finding the direction you care about and relentlessly pursuing it at all costs, no matter how perilous and unconventional that path is.

~

At the end of the day, support is still just support. The role that parents can play is enormous and I would encourage them to openly discuss and stand behind their kids’ passions, whatever they are, assisting wherever possible.

But, ultimately, we must stand for ourselves. We will always have struggles to fight and dragons to slay on our own.

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How to Get Rid of Things: 5 Ways to Overcome Your Sentimental Mind

August 25th, 2010

If you want to start getting rid of your things, it’s important to start by understanding the mental struggles making it hard for you to get going. This is what I did when I figured out what the deal was with my sentimental mind.

Once you’ve got a handle on that, though, the next step is to design some techniques that destruct those root mental barriers.

In my case, what has generally kept me from getting rid of things I don’t use is a strong emotional attachment I grew for them. The techniques that ended up working for me were mostly focused around shifting my state of mind to a more analytic one where decisions could be made before my emotions got involved.

I’m going to share what I came up with for anyone else in my shoes, but also want to stress that if these don’t fit for you, you should still work to understand what’s keeping you from getting rid of things and to design techniques fit to those (we’ll help in the comments if you want!).

Without further adieu: How I get rid of things.

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Classify and Reclassify Relentlessly

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This has been the bread and butter technique for me that seems to work in every scenario, on every genre of object I own.

The trick is to keep coming up with new ways to classify objects and to first deal with them in groups instead of individually.

For example, you could separate all your books into:

  • Books you’ve read
  • Books you want to read
  • Books you know you’ll never read
  • And how about books you want to read, but doubt you ever will (this was a big group for me)

Instead of asking “Should I keep this or get rid of this?”, which just shuts your brain down, you’re now asking more meaningful questions like, “Will I ever actually read this?”. These questions are easier to answer objectively and as you do it becomes clear, and mentally acceptable, what the verdict should be. No more struggle.

Now, you can separate out the books you’ve read and divide those into the ones you remember deeply and ones you can hardly remember at all. Which of the ones you remember are worth keeping around as inspiration or a reread? Which are so good that you just have to give them away to friends they could help?

When you get stuck, try reclassifying in new ways. How about:

  • Books you bought for school or your job
  • Books you bought out of genuine interest
  • Books that were given to you

Every time you reclassify, you find new ways to understand your relationship with the objects in question and whether they’re really worth hanging onto.

Instead of haphazardly chucking random things and clinging to others, you’re comfortably analyzing what you own and where it fits into your life. Anytime when you get stuck and would ordinarily just give up, shake things up again, create motion and see what falls out.

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Define Standards Ahead of Time

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Now that you’re classifying, you can go one step further. Instead of going through your stuff and deciding whether to keep items as you go, decide ahead of time which types of things you’re going to get rid of.

I would write out a list of potential classifications and decide, before separating things, which groups were ripe for removal. As a result, there wasn’t much room for my emotions to interfere when it came time to get rid of something I kind of cared about.

When it did, there were grounds for a real mental discussion, “Listen, we already decided about things like this – what’s so different in this case?”

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Start with Easy Things

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Like with reclassifying, you just want to get and keep the motion going so you feel positive as you go. As you get into clean-up mode, you build up momentum and it gets easier and easier to keep going.

With this in mind, start with the straightforward things:  the clothes you’ve never worn much,  the notes you haven’t even seen in years, and so on. By the time you get to the more sentimental items you’ll be cruising and operating from a more objective perspective.

I got rid of a ton of stuff I wouldn’t have otherwise just going through the motions I’d gotten used to – and I’m glad I did.

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Take Pictures of Everything You Care About

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At some point I realized, like a few commenters in my last post did, that if what I was really worried about was losing a memory, a picture would probably do fine.

Anytime I came across something I didn’t want to get rid of, I’d whip out my phone and take a picture of it. Usually, just having the picture made me feel comfortable enough to could chuck it away.

Someday, putting a nice gallery or physical picture book of my favorite things together might be fun, but just knowing I have the pictures is relief enough.

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Start Over Again

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Randomly in the process I’d go back to an old group and re-evaluate what was left. Sure enough, I’d find more I was willing to cut ties with.

My perspective between when I started had now shifted so much, my standards for what I kept raised and much of what I’d thought was worth hanging onto didn’t feel that way anymore.

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It’s worth noting that much of this advice is somewhat intuitive. If you’ve classified your stuff already, why do it again? How can you decide to get rid of something before you really think about what it is? Shouldn’t you start with the big, sentimental things that have been looming over you for awhile? Can a picture really replace a real item? Why start over again randomly?

My suggestions don’t make sense, but I can’t deny that they’ve worked for me.

So, my ultimate advice is to explore. Try my tips but also come up with your own off-ball approaches to getting rid of your things. Keep shaking things up until you find the ones that really get at the root of what’s keeping you from a pared-down, flexible and flexible lifestyle.

At the very least, you’ll appreciate having more space to fill back up!

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How to Get Rid of Things: Understanding The Sentimental Mind

August 21st, 2010

When I was quite young, probably around 8, I climbed up into our house’s attic and came across piles of my old toys. I felt washed over in happy memories and if I hadn’t been a sentimental guy before then, I certainly was after. Ever since, I’ve loved coming across objects that allow me to relive experiences and hated getting rid of things.

Unfortunately, this is a habit that is keeping me from more important things I want in my life like flexibility, organization, a kickass work environment, reduced mental burden and a focus on what actually matters.

I’ve wanted to pare down for awhile, but struggled with it. I finally took my recent move as an opportunity to figure out how to overcome this pestering obstacle. By the end, I cleared out all but a few books, 6 bags of clothing (that spanned at least 10 years!) and endless other gizmos, gadgets and souvenirs. Great success!

What I discovered is that although clearing out junk is a physical act, the barriers to doing it are predominantly mental.

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Why Get Rid of Things?

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As you know if you’ve read about what I learned when I fell in love with piano scales, I think figuring out the whys is the first step to success in any endeavor. For years, I had no reason why when it came to getting rid of things – and I didn’t. So, why did I now?

People like myself live in the their memory’s clutter for years upon years and become numb to the drag it adds to their life. It slows you down, cramps you up. It makes it hard to move and hard to work. It means you’re stuck where you are because transplanting yourself to a better environment would just be much too much hassle.

It means your brain is trying to track all of the objects floating through your life but, unable to do so, it just wastes energy on empty brain loops as it tries to mentally collect and connect all the various pieces.

It means incorporating new, important objects into your life is more difficult because space has to be found or made for it.

Why should it be difficult to add important things into our life just because it’s hard to rid ourselves of old things? Why should we hesitate to purchase a new, genuinely useful book simply because our old, stagnating ones are consuming all the space?

All of these issues are solved simply by cutting ties with the stuff weighing me down. These are my reasons why, you’ll no doubt find many of your own.

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Why Save Things?

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What about the other side of the issue? Could understanding why we save things help us get rid of things?

Most of the time I don’t keep things because I use them – after all, we really only use so much in our lives at a given time. There are two main reasons we save things:

1. We’re worried that, no matter how unlikely, we might want to use them someday.

This makes sense evolutionarily speaking. Resources are limited. Saving potentially valuable tools and items is critical for survival in a world of scarcity.

From the moment I could walk I gathered up any piece of metal I found on the street, hoarding them all to build with later. It was essentially instinct for me to do this, but as I grew older I became more aware of how quickly my mind could rationalize saving these random pieces of junk – and I know I’m not the only one.

Though it may not be the case forever, most reading this currently live in a world of incomprehensible abundance. The amount of freedom a barely-useful object takes away,  no matter how small, is not worth the baggage. If it becomes useful later, it will likely be available again, at least in essence.

2. Things have sentimental value – they are an anchor to a memory of a past event.

This is predominantly what saving things is about to me. Not being able to let go. Fear of losing the past completely.

But fear is never the right guide. When I realize I’m being lead by fear, I try to replace it with curiosity and trust.

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New Mentality #1: Trust in Yourself

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Justifying keeping things on these terms has very rarely served me well. It seems to stem from a lack of trust in my memory and, in a greater sense, myself and the world.

Realizing that my memories exist solely on their own helped me realize that I can trust myself to conjure them up when they need to be and made it easier to detach from the things themselves.

Even more important than my memories is what I’m actually doing now – to trust in my ability to live each day to its fullest and be making new great memories. No surprise here: getting rid of things makes that a lot easier.

A final aspect is trusting that the world will always have what I need and that I will always be capable of doing what I need to get it. This can mean many things but ultimately comes down to letting go of hoarding tons of stuff just because it might be useful someday.

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New Mentality #2: Things Want to Be Used

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I personify all of my objects. On our first trip to Lebanon as a family when I was 9, our camera got stolen. I cried and cried. Why would losing an object have such an emotional impact on me?

Because I imagined it lonely, away from it’s family, in the hands of some undeserving impostor, mistreating it. I don’t quite go that extreme anymore, but it is still part of what I have to deal with when I get rid of things:

  • “Man, this has served me so well for so many years, does it really deserve to be thrown away?”
  • Or the other end of the spectrum “I never really put this to use the way it deserved, shouldn’t I hang on to it a bit more?”
  • “Is someone else going to care about this the way I did?”
  • “Can I really go my whole life without seeing this ever again?!”

All of these thoughts ran through my head when I was recently selling my pick-up truck. I loved that truck. It served me well but lately I hadn’t been using it much. For awhile I was thinking about storing it somewhere and then I realized:

If my truck really were a living creature, it’s purpose would be to be used. Not to weigh me down.

I realized I am disrespecting my things by leaving them laying around, dormant, trapped merely to serve my memories. They have a purpose that I’m holding them back from.

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Not everyone needs to get rid of stuff, but some people want to and just can’t seem to do it. Some people would want to if they realized it was possible at all. Most start by just digging in, but I think it’s worthwhile to think about what’s going on in your mind that’s making it so difficult. Figuring out the Whys and working out from there is usually a pretty good way to start.

That being said, once you’ve got that figured out, the next step is to devise methods that side-step those barriers. In my next article, I’ll talk about a few I’ve used.

Some things we’d all love to hear about:

  • Would your life be better of if you had less stuff? Why?
  • Why do you have the things you have?
  • If you’re good at getting rid of crap you don’t need, what is the fundamental mentality that drives your behavior? What runs through your head as you throw something into the trashcan?
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Fairness is Irrelevant

August 18th, 2010

I’ve recently been reading the classic tome Philosophy for Dummies.

In the chapter on morality, I came upon a sentence discussing the importance of “kindness, fairness, sensitivity and self-giving.”

Of course, in essence I agree with this sentiment but something about that list felt wrong. It took me sometime to realize that it was fairness.

Fairness is something we strive for and encourage. It’s something we wish others would give us and something we associate with good people.

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I think fairness is a trojan horse. It seems important on the surface but can be mentally destructive once you let it into your core values.

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“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control and some things are not.” – Epictetus

The trouble with fairness is that it implies something about the rest of the world, about things that are simply not under our control.

Look at the other items on the list:

  • Kindness – In any circumstances, we can always choose to be kind. Emotionally, it may be a hard choice to make, but it is a choice.
  • Sensitivity – We can always choose to be empathetic to others and aware of their needs.
  • Self-giving – We can always choose to give ourselves in our work, relationships, etc.

All of these are ultimately within our absolute control. No matter the situation.

But fairness? Fairness means one of two things:

  • Demanding the world be fair to me – What if the world isn’t fair to you, but one of your core values is fairness? Do you wallow with unsatisfaction? Many do.
  • Reciprocating what the world has given to me – Now that the World has been unfair to you, does the law of fairness allow you to treat others in the way you’ve been treated? Is it ok for you to give someone what was coming to them?

From this perspective, doesn’t fairness allow situations not in your control to override that which is in your control, like kindness and sensitivity?

Valuing fairness reduces your power to make conscious decisions based on your complex circumstances and instead reduces the World to simple, mindless reciprocation.

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But, hey, I’m not trying to be a hater here! My message is to stay in control of your thoughts and actions. To give your best as often as you chose to and mean it.

Don’t let fairness decide for you, decide for yourself to give or not to give – both are perfectly acceptable.

Either way, there’s a certain magic in just accepting that the World, much of which you have no control over, often is not fair.

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It Doesn’t Matter If You Learn From Failures – Just that You Have Them

August 13th, 2010

I believe that failure is a critical component to ultimate success.

So, I was surprised when, after reading Rework and hearing one of its authors, Jason Fried, on Mixergy, I began agreeing with one of their arguments: That although failure may sometimes show you what not to do, it rarely shows what to do. They believe, therefore, that failure is becoming too highly regarded.

My mind reeled for weeks thinking about this – it challenged one of my core beliefs. Have I been wrong to be so passionate about the importance of embracing failure?

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I’ve grown up as the son of a psychiatrist. People usually assume that’s tough on a kid, but my Dad went easy on me and I learned a lot by observing how he interacted with people. Friends would sometimes casually discuss minor issues with him and a common theme in his response was the importance of exposure.

In other words, consistently facing your fears, a little bit at a time until they’re completely purged from your life.

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The reason that failing is important is because it is what we are so afraid of.  The possibility of failure always stands between us and what we most want for ourselves.

The only way to get over that fear is to expose ourselves to it. To fail and realize that it really isn’t so bad; that actually, its kind of exhilarating. To realize that just getting to the point of failure, whether we escape intact or not, feels incredibly good.

Failure is a sign that, in addition to doing a few things wrong that you can fix later, you also did a whole ton right to get to that breaking point at all.

Embracing failure means losing our apprehensions to think big and take risks that have the potential to make lasting impact.

The alternative is to be one of the many people who don’t fail or succeed at the things that matter the most to them – they’re making far more mistakes than the person failing.

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Someone that wants to create improvements in their life doesn’t need immediate success, they need motion. Accepting the possibility of failure from the start dissolves an enormous weight that makes it easy to get moving. As you develop momentum, you’ll naturally course correct as you go.

And the guys from Rework get this, “Don’t wait for the perfect solution…Decide and move forward…If you make a mistake you can correct it later.”

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It’s telling that most people believe the importance of failure is “to learn from your mistakes and not make them again.” This feeling is still based on fear of failure, on not failing a second time.

I believe that it doesn’t matter if you learn from your failures – sometimes you will, sometimes you won’t.

What matters is that you challenge yourself, take risks, teeter on the edge and realize that failing is not something to fear, but rather to embrace.

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Why I Dropped Out of College

August 7th, 2010

Two years ago, I walked out of a lecture hall as a Junior and never looked back. At the time, leaving college early was “just an experiment”, but I knew in my heart that it would stick.

I’d spent months talking with my parents, advisors, professors and friends. With each conversation the right decision felt more clear.

Of course, I had many reasons why at the time but since I left,  they’ve crystallized to the point where I’m ready to articulate precisely why I dropped out of college.

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Doing the Same Gets the Same

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I am obsessed with learning how to do things. My interest is easily captivated and that captivation turns into a strong pull to learn how to do something. Since I was a child, following this force has defined everything I love about myself.

After 15 years of schooling this never – not once – happened in the context of homework, lecture halls or papers that had to be a certain length for an arbitrary reason.

What was going to happen in 1 or 2 more years of school that would suddenly reverse this trend and make the previous 15 worth it?

With over a decade of evidence showing I would learn nothing of practical merit spending that time in school, reason lead me to believe that I could invest those 17,500 hours in something that would be much more meaningful outside of it.

When I put it in those terms, I feel a twinge of foolishness for playing that game so long and not standing up for myself earlier.

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Breaking the Cycle of Expectations

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If you’re like most of the people I meet,  when you read the intro you thought to yourself: “You were a Junior?! Why didn’t you just finish!?”

The reason is because I’d been following everyone else’s plans for me my entire life. That set an extremely strong precedent and I knew I had to make a bold decision if I ever wanted to shatter the series of expectations lined up in front of me.

Imagine I had stayed around another year, gotten my degree and then decided to run off and start a company on my own. Those same people would be saying, “How could you throw away your education!? You may as well get a job and develop your own projects on the side!”

And if I didn’t stand-up to that…when would I ever? With each missed attempt to get out of that cycle, it only would have become more difficult to escape.

No, I couldn’t have just stayed one more year. When it comes to making tough decisions that matter, now is always better than later.

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Following My Own Path

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When I was young, maybe 7 or 8, I started planning a schedule for when I’d be an adult. “From 10-11 I’ll do woodworking, from 11-12 I’ll invent things, after lunch, I’ll build computers until…”

I have always had visions of who I want to be and what I want to be doing. But those visions were only relevant when I was outside of school.

You could have argued that I wasn’t capable of choosing my own path that young (though I’m not so sure…), but by the time I was in college, I was more than ready.

I watched older friends move onto the engineering world, and just didn’t feel it was right for me. College wasn’t moving me towards the vision I had for myself and didn’t deserve to be on my path.

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Living in the Real World

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I want to be making important things, connecting with interesting people from all walks of life and living in the real world.

College does have some interesting elements, but it is not the real world – it’s like living in a bubble insulated from reality – full of its own pretend responsibilities and manufactured stress.

I spent $15,000 a semester to go to classes and learn about imaginary poles stuck in the wall. In a cheap plastic chair I would sit, programming actual projects that real people would use. “How can I possibly justify doing this any longer?”

It still seems crazy to me, looking back.

I wanted to have blood in the game. I wanted to feel like decisions I made didn’t end once the due date had passed. I wanted to feel like I was truly developing myself, my reputation, my worth and my body of work.

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I don’t encourage people to make the same decision I did but rather that they think about what they want for themselves and what it will actually take to get them there.

For some, College may be just what they need. For many others, it may just be a dramatic waste of time, money and creativity.

Don’t just read, take action!

  • Think about the vision you have for yourself – are you making decisions that move you in that direction or just doing what others expect of you?
  • Share your thoughts and experiences about college below – all perspectives are welcome!
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The Secret Inner Life of Fraternities

August 4th, 2010

When I entered college, I was pretty sure I wanted nothing to do with fraternities. They seemed out of control, grotesque, immature and whole bunch of other adjectives I didn’t consider myself.

But when Rush came around (a period in the beginning of each year when fraternities throw events to recruit new members), it seemed like a good opportunity to get free food outside of the dining halls and meet new people.

A few houses were exactly what I’d expected but, others impressed me. They were clean, well-stocked and, most importantly, their fraternity brothers broke through my preconceived notions of them.

At the end of Rush, after connecting with several brothers on a genuine level, I was given a bid to Phi Kappa Theta (dubbed Ski Lodge at RPI) and pledged that fall. It was the beginning of a long, demanding journey, not just through pledging but for my entire time as an active brother.

What I learned and gained from Greek Life is expansive and deep. It is the one single thing I felt sorry to cut short when I dropped out of school.

Yet fraternities continue to be misunderstood and it’s extremely hard to communicate what’s so unique about them.

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What I’ve realized is that each fraternity has an inner and outer self that are each very distinct from one another.

What most people see is the outward self of a fraternity. The two forms this comes in are philanthropy and parties. Philanthropy is great, but parties are exciting so they get all the attention.

Attention from students when one is being planned and attention from administrators when one doesn’t go as planned.

And although philanthropy is, without a doubt, an incredibly important part of Greek Life, I think too often it’s shown off as the reason why fraternities are “Ok after all” – why we’re worth keeping around.

I don’t believe this is true. Fraternities are incredibly valuable even overlooking philantrhopy because of their inner selves.

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The beauty of a fraternity is that it is a totally raw community. Here, I mean ‘community’ not in the ideal sense, but the real sense: a cross-section of society living together, coping with genuine struggles and relying on each other throughout it all.

Imagine the number of issues that occur in your own household of, say, 2-6 people. Now imagine what they’d be like in a home of 40 college-age guys. Cooking, cleaning, arranging plans, settling disputes – and on top of that dealing with delicate issues like rush, pledging and adapting to constantly changing expectations from school administrations.

The fact that the whole process has to include a range of strongly opinionated people with very different perspectives, backgrounds and values is precisely what makes fraternities so worthwhile. Resolutions must happen for life to move on in the house so people learn how to deal with each other, how to have a discussion, delegate tasks, etc.

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Sometimes I feel as if this ‘inner-self’ theory I have is a bit selfish. Shouldn’t the best thing about a fraternity be its philanthropic endeavors?

But perhaps this misses the point of a fraternity: to take guys in a transitionary state of their lives and mature them into individuals that can themselves, for the rest of their lives, be assets to their fraternal community and then to the greater communities they’re a part of.

I believe that the positive ramifications of this goes far beyond any aspect of fraternities’ outer selves, that they are much more likely known for.

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How to Make Doing it Everyday Easy

July 31st, 2010

This is the second post in a series about the power of Doing It Everyday.

In the first, we talked about why Doing It Everyday is so effective. (Read this first!)

In this article, we discuss how to make Doing It Everyday, which can often feel pretty hard, easy.

I understand that doing it everyday can feel extremely daunting. You’re days are already busy enough! How can you possibly add another daily activity to your hectic schedule?

When I start thinking like this to myself, I try to remember those that have found ways to accomplish so much in their lives.

We have the same 24 hours everyday.

How do they get so much done in the same amount of time I have? How do they do it? Asking that question eventually brought me to how I do it.

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How to Do it Everyday

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Identify unmanaged time. Start by considering that at least a small part of your busyness may just be unmanaged time that gets spent on trivial things and would be more fulfilling if used elsewhere – on something you actually decide to spend it on.

Doing It Everyday is for the things you’ve always wanted to do, but don’t. Activities that are more important than the petty ones that get in the way. If you can wedge out even just a bit of time everyday, that’s enough.

When I started writing out what an ideal schedule for tomorrow would look like the day before, I suddenly began finding time for what I wanted to do because I was allowing so little room for unmanaged time-wasters.

Start small. To start, all you need to do daily is squeeze in the simplest form of what you want to do. For awhile, when I wanted to write my thoughts down everyday, I just wrote a title. “Here’s what I would write about, if I had the time.”

As you build consistency, no matter how tiny an activity you’re doing, it grows and eventually blossoms. In just a few months I went from writing ten words a day to over a thousand. And it was surprisingly easy.

Ideally, you’d pick something that is 100% doable on a regular basis, but still something of a challenge – you should feel like you’re accomplishing something when you get it done for the day.

Isolate barriers. When it came to exercising (which I wrote about in Why I Do It Everyday), my barrier was getting up and to the gym. I isolated it, and did it everyday. Problem solved.

Barriers are often extremely easy to overcome individually but compound when you’re trying to take on the whole goal at once. By stripping it down to its individual challenges, you have a series of hills to get over instead of towering cliff.

Think back to the last time you decided not to do that thing you want to do. What really came between you and your goal? Answer that question specifically, in it’s barest form.

Worry about results later. First build the habit, then develop your results.

The hard part about blogging is publishing consistently. Plain and simple. That’s the only goal I’m focusing on now when it comes to the Tumble Blog. I could spend a lot of time thinking about how much traffic I’m getting and if the quality of my writing is up to snuff – but if I’m not even in the habit of publishing what does that matter?

Celebrate getting it done for the day before you ask how good it is.

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What if I Miss a Day?

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Ironically, I’m writing this at a time in my life that’s particularly hectic as I move into a new place and get things setup again. I’ve stayed consistent on some things and lost grip on a few others.

That happens.

Worse than missing a day is the anxiety that comes with it, preventing you from getting back into it the next. Just accept in advance that things happen but that over time you weed out the missed days.

I started writing morning pages everyday in November. I missed 10 days in December, 9 in January, 8 in February, 20 in March, 6 in April, 1 in May and 0 in June and July. Keep hammering and you’ll get there.

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Imagine you want to learn to draw. You decide to draw a still-life every day for a year and post it on your wall. How do you think your first drawing would compare to your 365th?

No doubt, they would be worlds apart and you would have only slowly ratcheted up your investment in drawing.

My bet is that 100 days in, getting into drawing mode would have become so easy that you’d consider yourself a drawer. A small investment in time everyday changed not just what you’re capable of but, more incredibly, how you see yourself.

Don’t just read, take action!

  • Write out how tomorrow would go ideally, including your new activity. This will look like a schedule, but isn’t. Even doing this occasionally seems to help me stay aware of how on-target my days are.
  • Write out the things you did today that weren’t necessary. Were they all more rewarding than the your Do It Everyday goal could be?
  • Figure out specifically what barriers are keeping you from getting started everyday. Strip them down to their barest, simplest form and make the time to do that everyday.
  • Share in the comments how your everyday goals are going, the challenges your facing and the tricks you’ve found to overcome them!
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7 Reasons Why I Do It Everyday

July 30th, 2010

This is the first post in a series about the power of Doing It Everyday.

In this post, we talk about the advantages of taking a small form of your goal and just doing it everyday.

In the second, we discuss how to make doing it everyday easy.

Over the past couple years I’ve tried many techniques for adopting new habits and learning new skills. The simplest, most reliable one I’ve put to use is to simply do some form of it every damn day – no matter how reduced from the ultimate goal it is.

I initially noticed the power of this was when I decided, for the first time in my life, to actually get in shape. I started going to the gym a few times a week but found it tough to remember to do and easy to convince myself to stay sitting in my chair.

Then I decided to walk to the gym everyday, even if I wasn’t planning on working out. Suddenly, the pressure was lifted and soon I was in the habit of getting to the gym. Once I was there, it was hard to convince myself not to work out.

It seemed strange, but somehow doing it more made it easier to do.

This has become a key weapon in my arsenal when I want to get into something new and I’ve found a few more advantages that make Doing It Everyday awesome.

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Why I Do It Everyday

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To make unrealistic goals attainable. I’ve written in a few articles now that I think breakdancing is awesome and I’d like to be able to do it. This feels strange to share with you because it’s just not very realistic – I am so far from a dancer!

But if I can figure out specifically what elements of breakdancing I struggle with, I can improve on them day by day and work my way there.

For now, that just means stretching everyday to improve my flexibility – easy.

To ensure constant progress. After writing about learning to love scales last week, my buddy Paul asked about how I’ve been picking up piano in general. I wrote out a long reply but the most important part was: “getting better is as simple as sitting down and playing.”

Sure, there are logistical issues like “What do I play?”, but I’ve found that as long as you take care of the sitting down and playing part, the rest matters a lot less than you’d imagine – especially if you’re keeping things challenging.

Somehow, as the days go by and you keep prodding at skills that challenge you, your ability, almost magically, catches up.

To communicate importance to my brain. In trying to understand this “magical” improvement, I’ve developed a few theories. One of them is that the brain is happy to allocate its processing power to tasks, as long as it knows they’re important.

When you were a baby, picking up a language was easy because it was critical to your survival. You were, as a result, able to learn to communicate from a completely blank slate. Yet, most of us, once older, find it extremely difficult to do so – even with the understanding of how languages work.

It seems that, as Benny is showing us, the easiest way to learn a new language is to go to a new country and just start talking to people in it as quickly as possible. The racing heart beat and clamoring for words communicates, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is important and demands more brain power.

Doing It Everyday does the same thing. It identifies an activity as worthy of mental processing, even when you aren’t actively engaged in it. As a result, your improvement begins to feel magical and unstoppable.

To focus on the doing. I never liked the idea of “routines” growing up – they seemed to take the fun out of life. But lately, I’ve noticed that when I leave my days up in the air, I spend a lot of time figuring out what to do and a lot less actually doing anything.

When you simply decide to do something everyday, you stop worrying about the petty things and focus on what actually matters – your work, your new hobby or your workout.

Now, I’d rather be spontaneous within doing something than in what to do.

So that I can take risks. I only post an article on the Tumble Blog twice a week, but I write for it everyday. So, if I want to try out a new writing technique or write about something I know I would never post, I can do it without worrying.

Doing something constantly creates real abundance, so you can feel free to explore around in it.

To figure out what I like. The ultimate risk, of course, is starting at all – which is part of why many people never even give what they’d love to do a try.

Doing something everyday means you can start small and work your way up.

Even more important, it makes it extremely clear, extremely quickly whether you actually like doing something or just like the idea of doing it.

Instead of entertaining the idea of biking cross-country for 5 years, just get out and start biking a bit more everyday. It’s easy and helps you refine what you want.

We are what we do everyday. What we consider ourselves to be is important. Another way to put this is our identity – what we identify ourselves with.

I am a programmer. I’ve done it just about everyday since I was 12. When I code, I am in control and confident.

I am not a dancer. I had to be forced to watch my sister dance (though she was damn good!) as a kid and have only recently even found it interesting to watch. When I dance, I flail.

I am becoming a writer. It too is only a recent interest of mine, but it’s startling how fast you can identify with something when you do it everyday. It becomes a part of you, you grow more confident in it and become aware of what you need to do to improve.

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If you keep kicking yourself every time you realize you’ve really been meaning to get into ________ but for some reason haven’t, then you’re an excellent candidate for Doing It Everyday.

If that feels unthinkably challenging and impossible to fit into your schedule, check out our post on how to make doing it everyday easy!

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